We still live in that place, the happy couple who met that April day, in the Sculpture Park, next to the behemoth steel work that looks like the hull of a ship. Maybe I was lonely or wanting to experience the thrill of meeting a woman like some cad does in the movies.
"Maya?" She looked at me with a cock of her head, squint of her eyes. "Maya, is that you?"
"No, I'm not Maya," she replied.
"Funny, you look so much like Maya," I answered.
I remember how bright the sun shined, especially on a day when it probably should have been raining.
Things that don't make sense excite me. If it had been cloudy would I have said hello to her? Then we could have avoided the break-up nearly four years later, and I would have no memories of any of the events. They float through my head like ghosts in an attic.
One thing I know for certain, is that if it had been raining, she wouldn't have been sitting outside next to the sculpture, and I wouldn't have said hello to her.
Maybe it was the sun that brought us together. It's hard to know - so hard to know. We are not together, and looking back on our relationship, everything is so surrealistic, like it never happened. Before, if you asked me, "Have you ever seen a ghost?" I would have said, no. Now, closing my eyes, and remembering our love, I can sincerely say, yes, I have seen ghosts, and they live in my memory like it is a haunted house.
I hope that the haunting isn't an unpleasant one, just unreal and insubstantial in the way that ghosts can be. Ghosts are the imprints of things that were which still seek us out to remind us of what happened. Good memories are warm to me, the ghostly ones slightly chilly. I don't want to return to them but I can't entirely forget them either. I love your post. I have similar feelings about my own past, you've prompted me to see them differently. They have no power in my life now but yet they still remain...I'm happy with that,
ReplyDeleteThese ghost are leading me to understanding, transformation, and (fingers crossed)some kick-ass fiction. I love your definition of a ghost. Like fear, we must face our ghosts, whether sinister or benevolent. Rather than running away, or pushing away the the ghosts, sit and let hem pass through. Eventually, knowledge and/or peace will come.
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