To Date, or Not to Date...

For the last five weeks, I've been posting and answering ads on Craigslist. The results have been mostly no-goes or one-trick pony dates. There've been several where I've emailed back and forth twenty or thirty times, and after agreeing to meet at a certain location and time, the woman disappeared without a trace. I've come to the point where I snicker and move on without much of a thought. Having gotten back into a writing state, I see it as fodder for the fires, and relief that I don't have to get too involved, which begs the question of, why bother at all?

In my mind, I've not been dating. I've been calling these encounters "Coffee Dates."  Simple diversions to meet a woman and have a conversion. Being a social creature, I need connection. Maybe, at times, I'd like something else - a fling, a one night stand, Friends With Benefits, maybe even, a real friend, but mostly, I'm happy to share a couple of cups of coffee and a brief, fleeting moment of socializing. And I don't limit my encounters to women. A man answered my ad and asked if I would consider having sex with him? I said it wasn't my desire, but I'd be happy to meet for coffee and conversation. He, agreed, then never showed up.

I think all humans are Connection-centric. We spend our lives behind cubicles, in offices, alone in our minds and thoughts. Every once in a while, maybe every other day, we need to venture out to reaffirm that we are, in fact, made of flesh and blood, and someday will die. Maybe, each other is all we have to cling onto... Or, maybe, all we have to live for...

I received and email from one of my Craiglist connections. A month ago I answered her ad, and ever since then we've been trying to carve out a time to meet, but to no avail. Yesterday, she said she had time, would I like to meet in the early evening? Of course, I responded. Two or three emails later, we were poised on the brink of meeting.

As I waited for her at this particular cafe, the guilt-ridden voice of conscience invaded my  mind... You've only been out of your four year relationship for three months... You've moved cross-country, and now need to find significant employment... You must take care of your step-father with Alzheimer's...

Suddenly, I began hoping for failure. I hope I'm not attracted to her... I hope she finds me repulsive... I'll throw caution to the wind, and speak about anything that comes to my mind like why I think paper clips are one of the most ingenious inventions in the history of humankind... I'll do anything so I won't have to face the prospect of rejection. And yet, I was there for a connection - a chance to meet another who shares this existence with me, and maybe, when we parted, I'd look up at the stars, and say to myself, "It's worth it - I'm not alone."

I didn't know what she looked like, and neither did she know what I looked like. In our haste to meet, we'd failed to exchange pictures. That seemed like a good sign because it meant, perhaps, we were both looking for something that went beyond the surface. Maybe we could be friends, or, perhaps, something more...

Time passed. I watched customers enter. Is that her? No, she's staring straight ahead at the menu board high above and behind the counter. She's got coffee on her mind, not a date.

Men and woman entered, ordered, sat down, or left. You always know when you're going to get stood up, but this wasn't one of those times.

I looked to my right, in the direction of the door, and my eyes locked with those of a beautiful woman. She was about 5'4", petite, long black hair, perhaps in her late 20's/early 30's, casually, yet stylishly dressed, and most amazingly, she had the most bright and wide smile across her face. It was a beam of grace. I instantly shot up in my seat. Unable to express words, I gesticulated in pantomime-manner something to the effect of "this is it" or "here we are," and it felt wonderful.

The time we spent was memorable. It was so joyous and animated that I decided to turn a "Coffee Date" into full-fledged date. We went to an Indian restaurant, but she hadn't eaten much Indian food, so she asked for my opinion on what to order. We had lots of fun deciding. She ordered a lamb dish and I ordered Chicken Tikka. For bread, we had Parata and Poori. I turned her on to Mango Lassis. It's a always great sharing new things with someone new. The world, truly, becomes new again.

Where do we go from here? I still have doubts as to whether I should be seriously dating at this point. I really should get a more stable job. Most likely when I do, my mind will not be asking. I'll know.

But there is the memory of last night and how beautiful she was... And since life is not perfect, and truly a work in progress, and we're never really as complete as we could be, is it possible that we could still see one another, and before you know it, I will have things in place?

As they say in Latin, Videbimus...