When
I was 19, I broke up with my first real girlfriend, Sue. I burned all
the love letters and the pictures of her and us. I can vaguely remember
thinking they were somehow useless, like I'd been down that path, and I
didn't want to remember any of it anymore. It could have been I was
bored. It was over, and there was no sense in going back. I couldn't
even remember what brought us together. I knew it had something to do
with the way she looked, and the way I felt about the way she looked,
but when it's over, you just want to turn away, and toss all the
memories from your mind.
She was a waitress at a local diner. I saw her when
I'd go in with friends on Friday nights. I liked the way she smiled at
the customers, and her sense of confidence as she took their orders. I
knew she went to my high school. My heart'd race every time I saw her in
the halls, and I couldn't wait to stop at the diner on nights when she
worked. It got so that, if I was in the proximity, I'd stop in just to
catch a glimpse at her. So I was absolutely floored when, out of the
blue, as I was leaving one night, she passed me by, and with a big
smile, said hello.
We were so
different - Democrat and Republican different, but you see what you want to see.
Besides, everything is accentuated when it's your first time. There's
nothing to compare it to. It requires a whole new vocabulary to express
such emotions. It's like landing on the Moon for the first time. And
it's scary when you see things getting a bit old, and the other person
doesn't surprise you like they used to. Shouldn't there be fireworks all
the time?
I
think we stayed together just because we were hooked on the fireworks. But they didn't last, and as the months
progressed, we also discovered something else - we had very little in
common. Our love was like a jet that had run out of fuel in the
stratosphere of reality.
Maybe first love's meant to be difficult. Maybe it's meant to shoot up and explode in the sky
like Fourth of July Rockets, then slowly scatter back to Earth like
confetti or falling out of love arguments. Like our arguments became; accusing
each other of not really being in love anymore. Imagine that? It
couldn't be possible. But it was, and we continued to argue for over a
year, finally realizing that love itself is never enough.
You're right, love on it's own is not enough, it's such a shame. Two people who are otherwise deeply attracted to each other can find their separate directions and paths just won't let them share or trust. There needs to be something more. That leads me to think how people can change within a relationship, even friendship. We all grow and change with time, not always in the same direction. Can love remain constant under those circumstances? I really don't know. I don't know if constancy exists for most of us. As a woman I've always liked to think it did but there was always that little doubt that said 'maybe guys don't see it that way'. It's like never having seen a million dollars. I'm sure it does exist, but will I ever find it?
ReplyDeleteHugs, Jane xox
Can someone's love sustain over time? Now that is drama. That's a novel. That's a play. That's a film. That's real life, and it's often a crap shoot. What is becomes what is... I have a very good friend who married 20 years ago. He and his wife met in Poland. He went there to study film and as an adventure. She was from Argentina, went there to study music. They met fell in love. They took a cargo ship back to Argentina, where they lived and were each others musical/visual soul mates. Ten years ago they moved to the States. I visited them, all seemed well. From all appearances, the were John and Yoko. A year or so ago , they divorced. My friend and I still need to get together to catch-up. What happened in his case? It saddens me, but I'm eager to find out. The lesson in life... Nothing lasts forever.
ReplyDeleteI have wondered, as of late, if it is even natural for humans to have only one mate for life. I mean it is not like many of us ever has.
ReplyDeleteI think, for the most, it's not. I think people are attracted to a number of possible mates. Biology favors diversity, so sexuality is greatly varied also. Kinsey seems to be one of the first to explore this. Civilization/society, with its need to conform and fit-in has created an invisible wall between human-kind and its biological need to walk on the wild side.
ReplyDelete