How do you sit together, and pretend everything is alright when so much has gone wrong? I suppose one has to pretend. That is the dynamic of the family. Some might call it acceptance. Is it?
What would those looking in from out see? Would the reality of some be shared by the unbiased observer? Why is my view different than the others? Am I wrong? Or is it that group consensus has deemed certain behaviors and beliefs to be true? Would the unbiased observer agree or not?
There was a time when families held together no matter what. Today, it just takes a dirty look to split them apart. What was once considered the way things had to be has been shot down by time. Some of those views were pure ignorance. Perhaps we don't need family like we used to... Perhaps the definition of family has changed... How much am I willing to give? How much will they concede to me? We shall see. Happy Easter.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Saturday, April 5, 2014
Change is Coming
The week began with little fanfare. Monday was smooth and uneventful. Spring was slowly warming the air, pushing Crocuses and Daffodils up through the ground. The Maples started sporting tiny red buds. There were no shocking heat waves. Change was gradual. So when Tuesday came, I had no reason to believe my world would be turned on its head, but like anything of a surprise, it comes at you from the most unlikely angles, and often it's not until later that you realize something significant has happened.
Though four days have passed, and I have fully digested the impact of the conversation, when I think of it, I feel exhausted. I thought we were on better terms, but it's really not that way. In these circumstances, she holds the high ground, and believes that she has right on her side. Even while acting in an underhanded manner, she saw no wrong. Nothing I said would change that - not even when I shouted my points over the phone. In her mind, shouting is bad. Therefore, I had no leg to stand on.
For the rest of that day, a number of emotions swirled through me. I counted anger, sadness, the hurt of betrayal, and the exhaustion that comes with revelation. I had hoped we were coming to a common ground, but our conversation taught me that we were a universe apart.
As the day marched on, the negative emotions slowly evaporated. I felt no anger towards her. In the past, she might have been right, but this was now, and many things had changed, including me. Instead of feeling down and bad for myself, I felt a surge of confidence and renewal. It wasn't the wham-ka-pow of a comic book caption, but the gradual deadening of the wind after a storm. The damage had been done, but in the distance, clouds were blowing away, and the horizon was starting to be revealed.
Though four days have passed, and I have fully digested the impact of the conversation, when I think of it, I feel exhausted. I thought we were on better terms, but it's really not that way. In these circumstances, she holds the high ground, and believes that she has right on her side. Even while acting in an underhanded manner, she saw no wrong. Nothing I said would change that - not even when I shouted my points over the phone. In her mind, shouting is bad. Therefore, I had no leg to stand on.
For the rest of that day, a number of emotions swirled through me. I counted anger, sadness, the hurt of betrayal, and the exhaustion that comes with revelation. I had hoped we were coming to a common ground, but our conversation taught me that we were a universe apart.
As the day marched on, the negative emotions slowly evaporated. I felt no anger towards her. In the past, she might have been right, but this was now, and many things had changed, including me. Instead of feeling down and bad for myself, I felt a surge of confidence and renewal. It wasn't the wham-ka-pow of a comic book caption, but the gradual deadening of the wind after a storm. The damage had been done, but in the distance, clouds were blowing away, and the horizon was starting to be revealed.
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