Oh, Christmas Tree...

This morning I brought down the Christmas tree. I took it apart, actually. It's a fake with an aluminum folding base, a plastic trunk the size of a thick broomstick. It has holes drilled in it so that you can systematically insert coat hanger sized ends of the branches from top to bottom. Once it's put together, it looks as real as a fake tree can look - not too bad.

I almost didn't put the tree up. Christmas seemed like an overbearing, over-perfumed aunt. Even seeing her once a year, is too much. There seemed very little to celebrate. My step-father, who's in the last stages of Alzheimer's, was out of the house, ferried between care facilities and hospitals in a never ending battle to find a cure for a series of infections. My nephew, who last year, provided the child's p.o.v, is now living in Japan. Why put up the tree, I thought, but my mother kept insisting. I kept brushing her off, but one Sunday night about two weeks before Christmas, my girlfriend said, "Hey, why don't we put it up?" Again, I balked. Then I thought, why not - it's something to do to fill the time. I turned on some Jazz on the radio, made hot chocolate, and from the basement, we brought up the ornaments and the tree, and started assembling it.

Little by little, I got lost in the moment. I even spontaneously smiled. What at first looked like something a Woodpecker poked holes into, turned out to be a not-too-shabby fully-decorated and lit expression of the season. I didn't want to get into that train of thought. I figured leave well enough alone. There's enough over-blown sentiment associated with Christmas for the entire Universe. Yet, it did feel good to smile. It was okay to feel like that - not too shabby, and that's how I left it.

Christmas and New Year's Eve came and went. Both times were low-keyed and satisfying.  As much as there was to be sad about, there was much to celebrate. This morning, I drove my daughter to the airport so she could take her flight back to Seattle. I was sad seeing her go. Yes, life is a series of hellos and good-byes, never easy, but inevitable.

When I arrived back home, I looked at the Christmas tree, and thought, it's time. Decoration by decoration, piece by piece, I put it all into boxes, brought them down to the basement again. When I went back to the living room, I stared at the empty spot where the Christmas tree had been. That night my girlfriend and I put it up, it truly caught me off guard. I wanted to hate the thing, but I came to embrace it and the season it symbolizes. Rather than be sad for things passed, I look forward to more good times and good spirits. We all need something to believe in and hope for.