Cultivating those Angels

Someone in my life is a control freak. She' always been, and probably will be till the day she dies. She's always engaged, always busy, but the funny thing is, few things get done. In her realm, there's many piles of paper scattered about, keys are lost regularly. Her idea of house work is sweeping five piles of dust in three different rooms and leaving them there until someone else picks them up. The bank card is never to be found when needed.  It's a revolving Easter egg hunt, but without the fun factor.

She has a great heart, but her help is often unwanted. What does she do? She does what she was just asked not to do anyways, often to the annoyance and frustration of the others. If you ask her not to help, she gets mad or hurt. She'll say that you're disparaging her, and why does she bother - no one appreciates her.

Just the other day, a person who helps her on a regular basis, confided in me. Now this guy has the patience of Job, and a fair amount of Mother Theresa in him, and even he was complaining. He confessed that she is constantly trying to help when he doesn't need her help. He smiled nervously, but I could feel his frustration.

Over the years, my frustration grew to resentment. I tried to talk it out with her, but, like all of us regarding certain foibles, she's never wrong. Before, I'd blow up, and argue, but now, I just smile and high-tail it out, making some excuse like I have a nervous colon, and have to run to the bathroom.

Yesterday, she said, we should spend more time together. Yes, I agreed, but after I walked away, I felt nervous, and thought, is that a good idea? 

As someone who is trying to cultivate the better Angels in me, it may be necessary. Why we behave in the stupid, ignorant, and appalling ways we do could be a reaction to some of the things we've suffered along the way. I've often wondered, after having experienced some of life's jolts, that, maybe, if there was someone there who could have listened, what a difference it might have made. Rather than point fingers, I ask myself, what can I do to make a difference?