Saying Good-bye

They left two days ago, early in the morning. I barely remember hearing footsteps in the hallway and seeing the band of light under the door. I wanted so badly to get up and give them a hug and wish them well, but I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. The spirit was willing, but the flesh was weak, especially at 3:00 am.

I don't think I said good-bye to my brother or my sister-in-law the night before. I went into my nephew's bedroom, talked to him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I tried to pretend like it was bed-time on any other night, but as I left the room and walked down the hall, I knew it'd be perhaps two years until I saw him again. My brother, my sister-in-law, and I talked like it was just another Tuesday night. We said good-night like life would continue on as it had before, but inside, I knew differently.

Saying good-bye is not easy. Billy Joel wrote, "Life is a series of hellos and good-byes, " and it is so true. As I've gone on in my life, I've gotten better at accepting loss and practicing detachment, but still, it's hard leaving or being left by loved ones.

So much has changed for me in the last four months, and a lot of it has been learning to accept those changes and losses. Saying good-bye to my nephew, sister-in-law, and brother was just another reminder of how impermanent life is. We are born, we live, and we die. To some extent, we have control, but in the end, we lose all control. To what extent we live life and take chances is entirely up to the individual, but no matter what, life will go on.

Chris, Yoshie, and Coleton, I miss you very much. I'm happy for the time we've had together, and I look forward to seeing you again. I wish you much happiness and success in all your endeavors in Japan. I thank you for reminding me that my life is a gift, and I must live it to the best of my ability.