Normally, this is the season of nostalgia for me. It's a time of looking back, and remembering the warm, contemplative season of fun. It is back to school time. It is Labor Day time - the last hurrah of events and picnics. Weather-wise, things are changing. The Dog Days of heat and humid give way to less humidity and cooler nights. There is a definite feeling of change in the air, but not this year.
Like the last three or four days, today is not necessarily hot, but very humid. The air is thick and heavy with moisture. It is swampy, weighty, and when I walk, or even sit, I feel burdened. The discomforting air leads to discomforting thoughts. I think of my life, and the things that aren't clicking in it. Just when I think things are taking off, they crash, and I'm back to square one. I know I have much to offer, and things will change, but sitting in this humidity, I'm stifled by heavy thoughts.
I need a cool breeze, but for some reason, it is not blowing. I guess that's life - some good, some bad, some hot, some cold, but nothing ever stays the same, and if you just sit and wait for things to change, nothing will. On that note, I will get my ass out of this chair, go over to the window, open it, and wait for that cool breeze that I know is coming. It will come.
The breeze will come as you say Monkkey. I love your metaphor. I too have felt a certain stagnation, a longing for change and freshness. Early summer seemed so fresh with it's bight vibrant greens...now they are bloated and dark, tattered edged, wind blown and weary after a long and distinctly hot summer. I'm almost longing for the shedding of too much worn out ways and tattered ideas now. The Spring and early summer gave me fresh starts and helped me clear away the accumulated grime and habits of the past. It has left me with a resolve to embrace change and move forward with each unexpected twist and turn of life and the rotating year. It's time to throw up the sashes and let change in without resentment. The exciting thing is being open to where I might take me.
ReplyDeleteHere's an earnest Fall wish that the freshening breeze an the turning year will bring you new and unexpected gifts as well as the chance to and good use of them :) xx
Jane, I'm with you. As I go on, I'm less and less nostalgic, and yearn for new things. These things are things of the inside, heart and mind, to be creative, to balance dreams with reality, the ability to adapt and to cope. To some extent, I must let go, trust myself, and walk through change. I believe I am ready.
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